Black Friday???

"Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps, means a little bit more." The Grinch

BLACK FRIDAY!!! As an accountant I get why it's called black. When I first started learning accounting it was literally at the knee of my father. And back in the dark ages, we used these things called ledgers, and pencils (pens if you were very, very good at numbers), and scratch pads. If the number was a loss, you used red so it stood out. But if the number was a gain or a profit - BLACK, baby.

Now I have nothing against a company making money. I'm rather partial to it since they tend to lay off fewer of us when they are profitable. But I'm rather disgusted by the spectacle that the holidays have become, and that the stores believe they should open on THANKSGIVING DAY!

I tried Black Friday, but like a reformed smoker, I abhor it. Getting up early wasn't a problem, but the crowds, the pushing, the shoving, the meanness - the person I became as my natural competitiveness was sparked - uh, no, not for me. And now, they want to open on Thanksgiving Day. 

So we can't even give it the one day waiting period?? I understand the need to show others our love and appreciation. I sorta want some of that directed my way, too. But the bigger, better, more...the cheaper, quicker, gotta have...it just doesn't seem to be the way these holidays were intended to be. At Thanksgiving, we should give thanks - for love, for health, for family, for friends - not for beating down someone to the last blue light special. And the employees made to give up their day - maybe they'd like to give thanks at home, too.

My Thanksgiving Day will be spent muttering over how the men don't help in the kitchen enough, and then realizing how much I love every one of those incompetent, err unaware in the kitchen, guys (must point out that my older brother will be the exception here). My Black Friday will be spent in PURPLE since my beloved ECU has a home football game, and we're all going together. So the only numbers involved will be on the backs of jerseys and on the scoreboard. My early gift will be just that - together with family, and maybe a new ECU shirt along the way. Maybe it's just me...but no thank you, I don't want more. Well, maybe more touchdowns...

Over the River, and Through the Woods to Wal Mart

It's 4 in the morning...and why do I start off sounding like a country music song? Well, because it's the holidays and here I sit finishing off another trip to the relatives. I can't help but wonder if Prince William and his Duchess will have some of the following conversations this Christmas:
"Please can we leave? Why can't your family ever buy a NEW piece of furniture? These 400 year old beds are killing my back. And just what am I supposed to buy for your grandmother? The woman has EVERYTHING. And can you tell your stepmother to stop glaring at me. I did NOT steal the tiara she wanted. I can't help it if your grandmother likes me better."
Or maybe the Prince will have his say:
"What do you mean I have to share a bathroom? If we go to my family's house, no one has to share a bathroom. Does your father really think I'm going to help out the family business? I've got enough problems with my own family business. Has he noticed the mess my father made of things?"

Hubby and I and the teen sons have been to both sides of the family so far. Not an easy task since three states are involved- the one we live in, and the two different ones they live in. So far the trips have involved sick relatives (his father, my mother and father), whiny teenagers (yes, the world revolves around you, my darlings), the realization that the transmission was messing up on my one year old car, juggling the logistics of high school marching band commitments, and our 20th anniversary was in there somewhere.

On our anniversary (which was the day before Thanksgiving), we traveled to relatives. Therefore our possibilities for celebration were somewhat limited. As the evening progressed, I found myself walking through the Wal Mart parking lot. At that point, my somewhat warped sense of humor once again surfaced, and the following conversation truly did take place:
Me (in a thick Southern drawl, my only truly good mimicking skill): "Honeeee, you sure 'nuff know how to treat a girl right on her anniversary. So far I've been to the Applebee's, the nursing home, and now I get to go to Wal Mart. I feel truly blessed."
Hubby: (in a similar drawl) "We're honorin' our heritage, babee."

Of course, we both cracked up, and now we have a new tag line. See I figured out years ago what I needed to get me through the holidays, so here's my list:

Girlfriends (it's ever so much better to share your complaints with like minded individuals)
Sense of humor (while sharing, find the humor in the adventure)
Enjoy the holiday treats
And don't say yes if you don't WANT to do it (see Martha Stewart Don't Live Here No More, I don't decorate or do it unless I want to - that's been a hard lesson to learn and absorb - still sorta a work in progress)

So how do you cope with the holidays? Got someone you call or text? A favorite treat? 'Cause it's awful hard to sleep on these 400 year old beds...

Bah, Humbug...Let's Ban a Few Things....

I'm just not a big fan of the holidays. There I said it. I could do without all the guilt and pressure. Nobody is ever satisfied. Either you spent too much or not enough, it's not the right color or size, or they wonder just how you could possibly have missed the hints they've dropped for the last six months - and that's just how I feel about my gifts. Who knows what others are thinking about what they get. 
I think there are too many expectations placed on women during the holidays, and I don't see where that has improved over the last few decades  centuries. We do the baking, cooking, cleaning, shopping, wrapping, organizing, and we write the obnoxiously upbeat Christmas letter leaving out just how much the sales clerks, and our families have frayed our last nerves.
So as we all start to prepare for the gauntlet of holidays extraordinaire, I would like to ban the following:


All holiday themed commercials - is there anything worse than the beautifully decorated home and the missing son/daughter at the door while the parents cry beautifully? I just love being made to cry. We all know the holidays do NOT make anyone overly sensitive and emotional so let's remind everyone out there what their holidays are missing, while also reminding us to buy a turkey. How about the incredible luxury vehicle in the driveway with that over sized bow that I've never found at Target? While hubby stands there beaming over the gift he's given - oh, bite me. Yes, indeedy, every woman I know gets gifts like that. It helps make up for the ones we buy ourselves, wrap ourselves and pretend to be surprised. 


Black Friday - good grief! I've never met a crock pot or video game worth getting up that early for (or is it staying up that late, I can never figure that out). Maybe it's just me, but I'm only a fan of big crowds at football games. The mall scares the dickens out of me. I tried it - I think a lot of the people I saw could scare Seal Team Six.


Christmas Letters - honestly, nobody believes Little Precious is that perfect. I tried those, too. It was harder trying to strike the right note of condescension masked with humility than making my way through Target on Black Friday. 


Martha Stewart - that food, that decorating - I'm more interested in buying her daughter's book about her - now that tell all sounds delicious.


I could and will come up with more...there's just so much to enjoy about the holiday experience....how about you??

Baby, You're A Firework...Please Not....

Once upon a time, July 4th was one of my most favoritest holidays of the year. I'm a summer baby, it comes exactly one week before my birthday, there are no pesky presents to buy, great food, and who doesn't love fireworks... um, that would be ME! Oh, I used to adore fireworks, but that would be before I moved to a state with slack fireworks laws.

Here's what has happened since last Thursday:
"Quick, bring the dog in. They've started shooting off the fireworks. Wait, where's the cat? Move the food so he doesn't eat all the hot dogs again. We currently have 12 buns and three hot dogs left from the dogs last trip inside. Have you tried turning up your music to sleep? Yes, I know you have to work tomorrow. I am not in charge of the universe despite appearances to the contrary."

Every year we get to listen to people shooting off fireworks on all sides of us. Now it would be one thing if we had purchased a home next to the fairgrounds. But we live in a neighborhood. And it's not just July 4th that gets the action. Memorial Day (yes, because the loss of soldiers should be commemorated by fireworks), Labor Day (celebrating the use of your hard earned money), Christmas (frankincense, myrrh, and fireworks), New Years (thank goodness you lived to see a new one with all your limbs intact) and various dates which I can only assume coincide with birthdays, good report cards, the squirrels leaving your plants alone...

I realize I sound like a party pooper, but for those of us who simply don't have the overwhelming desire to hear them at 1 AM, is it really so much to ask that one weekend night be assigned to the task (sorta thinking like Halloween - a designated date/time)? Surely there's a better way! Thoughts? Am I completely off track and out of step?

So Much Multitasking Requires a Holiday

By Dawn Tolson

As you read this I will finally be on my way for a family trip to Italy and England. My feet have not touched the ground for the past week, trying to juggle the normal demands of my life with the extra work that is involved with preparing not only myself, but my two children and husband for a trip.

In my essay “Ode to a Housewife,” I described how we women are the queens of multitasking, but last night I got to thinking about women around the world--for instance years and years ago I had the pleasure of visiting Kenya. I don’t like staying in large tourist areas so we were residing in an out-of-the-way place; interestingly enough it was Ernest Hemingway’s retreat, but I digress. One day our driver decided it would be nice to show us his village. Like being taken back in time, we were driven along a dirt road for what seemed miles and finally we arrived at the houses. The village consisted of about 10 traditional mud huts that were their homes. Inside they were basic and relatively clean considering the conditions. We sat and drank (very reluctantly) the hot drink offered us by the lady of the house, even though it was about 95 degrees outside. Her husband and children were all present and seemed so carefree; he was just sitting quietly and the kids were laughing and playing.

I wonder if her life was as hectic as mine seems to be today as a wife and mother. Did she have to multitask in her own way, maybe whilst preparing the grain or taking the washing to some unknown place to me or sewing the rags they wore which were their clothes? Could it be that this simple way of living is somehow the answer to my dilemma? I can’t help feeling that our stresses today are related to our Western ideal of life. It seems that everywhere we look there are pictures or depictions of what a perfect wife, husband, family, and house should be and operate like. Has the modernization of our world led us into a lifestyle that is finally going to leave us worn out and regretful? I don’t know the answer, but I do know I am worn out and need to go on a vacation, so Ciao, Adios, Arrivaderci. I’ll see you when I get back!

Summer Holiday in my own Backyard

By Dawn Tolson

With the winter firmly here and the snow forecast again and again my thoughts are turning to summer. These cold days leave me longing to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. If you have read my Brit in a GRITS world column "We're all Going on a Summer Holiday" about my disastrous vacation capers, then you will understand why I feel this. However, for 5 years now we have found our little piece of paradise in the sun, Beaufort, North Carolina.

The small historic town captures my imagination of pirates and times gone by. I walk along the streets imagining my feet are treading probably in the very spot that my countryman Blackbeard had walked. The beaches of Shackleford and Cape Look Out never cease to amaze me, and the crystal-clear waters can stand amongst the best in the world.

So does anyone else out there agree with me, or do you have a rival paradise that I can try?

Don't Let the Grief Elves Steal the Holidays

Possibly the most touching card I will ever receive, with the exception of the handmade ones from our children, had my own signature on it. Now, I'm not the kind to send myself a card, and this was not an exception. Actually a friend had scanned in a card we had sent her fiancee a few years back and sent it to us with a note. We lost this dear man this year and she wanted us to know that he had treasured that card. The holidays can be so hard. Too many expectations, plus too little time or money equals disappointment (what - no diamonds, again? Really, dear!). But for anyone dealing with grief - fresh or not - the holidays can become a constant reminder of loss. Maybe it's that decoration given to you or the tradition that someone always participated in, or maybe it's just the absence of the presence of that person you love. I've lost several people the last few years though I'm blessed to still have my husband, my children, my parents, and more people I love than I can possibly name here. But the losses have brought with them a deeper empathy for others and their losses. It can be difficult to find joy, but in the memories there can also be a comfort, and in the sharing comes a peace and remembrance. So share with others how you feel and you may be surprised at the love you receive back. At the holidays, try not to let the grief elves steal the holidays from you...certainly not while the carb elves are busy stealing my waistline. And for Jim - GO VOLS!

Joy to the World - School Projects

So raise your hand if your child has a project due at school and you're trying to start thinking about the holidays...yep, timing really is everything. The essay, "Four Words to Ruin the Day" is basically my frustration over projects. First the disclaimer, I am all for education. Whew, now that I have that covered, here are a few holiday time project suggestions, and I'd love for each of you to add your own suggestions:

1 - Your child should demonstrate problem solving - have your child determine what your mother-in-law REALLY wants for Christmas.
2 - Your child should demonstrate creativity - have your child come up with a decent present for his/her mother. Points will be deducted if it has to be plugged in (unless a smart phone or MP3).
3 - Your child should demonstrate patterns and colors - have your child decorate the whole house in one day while singing carols...without developing new vocabulary...you know the words your husband uses when stringing the lights.
4 - Your child should demonstrate organizational skills - have your child arrange family holiday visits across three states and several blended families. Anything less than ten complaints will receive a grade of A+.

Any others - just looking to help out the school system here...So what helpful holiday projects would you like to see assigned this season?