Headlines, and Commercials, OH MY!

Today's entry was already prepared, already edited, and you'll just have to see it some other time. It just felt too serious even though it had my snark sprinkled all through it. But it's Friday, and Fridays call for a celebration. So I thought I'd throw out some headlines and commercials and my reaction to them. Imagine I've lifted my right eyebrow, something I can't do, but always wished I could. Oh, and give me a deliciously superior accent. Hey, while you're at it, I'd like to be tall and skinny...taking it too far ain't I? OK, without further ado...headlines and commercials:

There's a commercial for a new dog treat and it uses the line, "they look homemade".  How reassuring. My dog always stops to review how aesthetically pleasing his food appears. I can tell he's doing that in the microsecond he takes before he starts eating it.

"Kardashians' Ink New $40 Million TV Contract" - This comment comes via Mary - "Please tell me they're paying them to stop" - and no such luck with that. The good news to take from this is that if you have ridiculously attractive children with no discernible talents, there is hope. For the rest of us, we need to keep cracking that study and work whip.

"'Bachelor' Host, and Wife Ending Marriage" - I guess seeing all those ridiculously happy marriages that have resulted from this show, oh, wait...never mind.

"Man Who Dressed as Dead Mother Guilty of Fraud" - Yeah, that's not the only thing he's guilty of...

"Rio de Janeiro Stripping Away Visual Pollution" - Darn. I was so looking forward to the People of Wal Mart - Rio edition.

The Camry commercial that talks about life in a Camry. Forgive me, but except for a DeSoto or a Delaurean, can't most car brands claim all those life events? Get over yourselves. Losing a tooth in a car does not make me want to buy a new one. It makes me want to go to the dentist...maybe.

"Pepsi Brings Back Michael Jackson for New Ad Push" - Well, this is a new idea. Reincarnation as a product benefit. We all want to buy a product pushed by a guy who died at 50.

Ok - I've probably pushed the limit on a few of my comments, but let me know if you see anything wacky. Laughing on a Friday should be a requirement of life!

Bah, Humbug...Let's Ban a Few Things....

I'm just not a big fan of the holidays. There I said it. I could do without all the guilt and pressure. Nobody is ever satisfied. Either you spent too much or not enough, it's not the right color or size, or they wonder just how you could possibly have missed the hints they've dropped for the last six months - and that's just how I feel about my gifts. Who knows what others are thinking about what they get. 
I think there are too many expectations placed on women during the holidays, and I don't see where that has improved over the last few decades  centuries. We do the baking, cooking, cleaning, shopping, wrapping, organizing, and we write the obnoxiously upbeat Christmas letter leaving out just how much the sales clerks, and our families have frayed our last nerves.
So as we all start to prepare for the gauntlet of holidays extraordinaire, I would like to ban the following:


All holiday themed commercials - is there anything worse than the beautifully decorated home and the missing son/daughter at the door while the parents cry beautifully? I just love being made to cry. We all know the holidays do NOT make anyone overly sensitive and emotional so let's remind everyone out there what their holidays are missing, while also reminding us to buy a turkey. How about the incredible luxury vehicle in the driveway with that over sized bow that I've never found at Target? While hubby stands there beaming over the gift he's given - oh, bite me. Yes, indeedy, every woman I know gets gifts like that. It helps make up for the ones we buy ourselves, wrap ourselves and pretend to be surprised. 


Black Friday - good grief! I've never met a crock pot or video game worth getting up that early for (or is it staying up that late, I can never figure that out). Maybe it's just me, but I'm only a fan of big crowds at football games. The mall scares the dickens out of me. I tried it - I think a lot of the people I saw could scare Seal Team Six.


Christmas Letters - honestly, nobody believes Little Precious is that perfect. I tried those, too. It was harder trying to strike the right note of condescension masked with humility than making my way through Target on Black Friday. 


Martha Stewart - that food, that decorating - I'm more interested in buying her daughter's book about her - now that tell all sounds delicious.


I could and will come up with more...there's just so much to enjoy about the holiday experience....how about you??