Once Upon a Life

I have to admit to being a little bummed. They cancelled my favorite soap opera and the last day it aired was this past Friday, the 13th. Right now there are people out there shaking their heads at my confession. There are so many more worse things in life. But I enjoyed my story. That's what my grandma always called them, her "stories". 


A friend of mine and I were commiserating on Facebook about our loss, when someone just had to chime in with his opinion. Needless to say it was negative. And I don't care. He's entitled to his opinion. But I'm entitled to mine. Soap operas are a guilty pleasure. None of us are tuning in for the reality. I worked in two major corporations. No young, pretty thang was ensconced in the CEO's office wearing a tight skirt, sky high heels, and running things just 'cause daddy told her to, not even in the '80's (though our hair was pretty big). We realize that the dead don't come back, and certainly never with a new face AND a twin (hello, Victor Lord, Jr., and Todd Manning). It's simply not possible to be married that many times and maintain your standard of living, even for the rich. Alimony would have its way (yep, I mean you, Mrs. Victoria Lord Riley Burke Riley Buchanan Buchanan Carpenter Davidson Banks - had to Google that just to get it right). And our children do not suddenly shift overnight from pesky teenagers to medical school students - dang it. I'm not even touching on the under the mountain golden city, or the housewife by day, hooker by night stuff. 


But honestly, have you looked at television in general? None of television is reality. Even the reality is scripted and edited for maximum bang for the buck. That's why it's considered ENTERTAINMENT. I doubt there are very many law enforcement who look the way the women do on "The Closer" or any of the "Law and Order" series or the "CSI" ones. Personally, I don't go in for reality tv. I have enough relatives, neighbors and plenty of mirrors. I don't need to watch strangers be weird, for reality in my life. I want the escape. I want to see the incredible eighth wedding and KNOW that this time she really found love, and ohh, look at that dress. I want to have that hour of giggling over the sudden aging of a character or really how can a woman give birth to twins and not know it! Most of all, I want to be able to call my grandma and talk about the story one more time. But she's not around to, and we don't get soap opera reprieves in real life, and neither did One Life to Live.  

Road to Happiness

Happiness – how would you describe it?  Emotive to its core, essential to every single person on this earth, and yet sometimes so elusive that you would think it never existed. In my essay “My Crime or Yours? A Wife’s Debate”, I was very honest about my current situation as a stay-at-home mom. My emotions, as I wrote the piece, were running high enough to practically send me into orbit.  I am lost, to say the least, but this morning after listening (at my husband’s work convention) to one of the most inspiring, yet down-to-earth speakers I have ever heard, I finally felt the power grow within me to start making the difference in my life that I had wrote about.

Beth Thomas, the speaker, has just released a book called “Powered by Happy.” Essentially this book is about making employees happy at work in order to increase productivity and bottom-line profit.  Happy campers make for happy bosses and even happier CEOs. The simple correlation between these two is not so new in its concept, and you could easily say it is downright obvious, but the facts and statistics confirm that this is a real problem for corporate America.  Now, I once was corporate, I once was in business, and I once was the one who wore the name identification badge without the word ‘spouse’ plastered all over it, but now my corporate world is at my home.  So as I listened, I realized that the same principles should apply to our family lives. Happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids, and a fulfilling relationship with my husband is the key to my 'company's' success. My return on efforts is not financial profit -- it is my own personal happiness and satisfaction.

Beth Thomas herself reinforced this message during her talk, pointing out that working too many hours or too hard does not make you any more successful; in fact it can be detrimental. Funny, that is exactly how I described my life. The more I do around the house, the more hours I work to keep my family functioning has become a mountain so high to climb that I can never reach the summit. Running around like a headless chicken is not doing me or my nerves any good. I seem to always have a to-do list as long as my arm with no time to do any of it well and it makes me negative – it wears me out. My scales are tipped to one side and I need to regain balance.

So, it’s time for change, time for taking hold of the negative and kicking it out the door. Negative breeds negative, yet simple laughter can take over the world; it is contagious in all the right ways. Apparently there are Laughter Conferences that are held over all over America. People go and just laugh constantly for the time they are there. I am not sure that I will be attending one of those, but it does make you think. If people are selling laughter as a concept to improve your life, then surely we can interject more ourselves, and the best is it is free!

The message this morning was clear. In order to be happy you have to know what makes you happy. The first lesson in the book is to create your own definition of happiness. It is not as easy to do as you think, but I am going to do it. I am going to work through the book and see where it gets me.

Today is my first day on the road to being “Powered by Happy.” This afternoon I am going to sit down and allow myself time to think about my happiness. My list will probably be long, but that’s okay, because I have the drive to do it. I am taking back responsibility for my life and happiness. Who knows, maybe I will share my list with you in my next blog – we will see!

I Escape, But Only On Thursdays…

As a hard working, trying to juggle everything mum, I look forward to my Thursday nights out with my girlfriend. It's a vigil, a sanity check, and a keep in the real world affirmation. This precious time is like drinking mellow wine. We sit and write, gossip, laugh, and cry – we are back to being girls again. What a feeling!

As a stay at home mum, wife of a serial world traveler, and thrown into home schooling due to an anxiety disorder that struck my daughter like a speeding car, my temporary escape is key to my survival as Dawn.

As we pass through the different stages of our lives, I can't help feeling that part of me is disappearing. Some days when I look in the mirror, the image looking back at me is still the same old me, but I feel as if I am looking at a stranger.

Perhaps, it is because I am a stranger. A stranger to my former self. Yes, I have grown, matured, and learned life lessons, but life itself along with marriage and kids can overtake you like an alien. Invading your very soul. I love my family, but honestly, sometimes I long for solitude. To do things and make decisions based solely and selfishly for me.

As a partner and/or parent, whether you are male or female, we make compensations. We agree to meet in the middle, we compromise, we give in, and we make decisions for the best together. However, the young girl lost in me sometimes wants to rebel.

Is that so wrong? I don't think so.

Even my husband agrees, that in marriage, we do lose a little of ourselves. We are in danger of becoming the mirror image of our spouses if we submit to it. I can never forget an old English TV sitcom where the married couple wears identical knitted sweaters, their identity becoming one or reading "Eat, Pray, Love," where the author describes the time a person told her that in relationships she takes on the look of her partner. A reality that happens to some that is scary to say the least. You may argue that in marriage being synonymous is a good thing and, yes it is, but as a synergy not a coup.

So you see, my safe escape every Thursday allows me to visit with my old self and say hello to her. It allows me to enjoy the feeling of liberation and then return to my family, happy and content. We all need a little escape, so go ahead allow yourself, it is magnificent!

So Much Multitasking Requires a Holiday

By Dawn Tolson

As you read this I will finally be on my way for a family trip to Italy and England. My feet have not touched the ground for the past week, trying to juggle the normal demands of my life with the extra work that is involved with preparing not only myself, but my two children and husband for a trip.

In my essay “Ode to a Housewife,” I described how we women are the queens of multitasking, but last night I got to thinking about women around the world--for instance years and years ago I had the pleasure of visiting Kenya. I don’t like staying in large tourist areas so we were residing in an out-of-the-way place; interestingly enough it was Ernest Hemingway’s retreat, but I digress. One day our driver decided it would be nice to show us his village. Like being taken back in time, we were driven along a dirt road for what seemed miles and finally we arrived at the houses. The village consisted of about 10 traditional mud huts that were their homes. Inside they were basic and relatively clean considering the conditions. We sat and drank (very reluctantly) the hot drink offered us by the lady of the house, even though it was about 95 degrees outside. Her husband and children were all present and seemed so carefree; he was just sitting quietly and the kids were laughing and playing.

I wonder if her life was as hectic as mine seems to be today as a wife and mother. Did she have to multitask in her own way, maybe whilst preparing the grain or taking the washing to some unknown place to me or sewing the rags they wore which were their clothes? Could it be that this simple way of living is somehow the answer to my dilemma? I can’t help feeling that our stresses today are related to our Western ideal of life. It seems that everywhere we look there are pictures or depictions of what a perfect wife, husband, family, and house should be and operate like. Has the modernization of our world led us into a lifestyle that is finally going to leave us worn out and regretful? I don’t know the answer, but I do know I am worn out and need to go on a vacation, so Ciao, Adios, Arrivaderci. I’ll see you when I get back!