What to Do?

Play dates, schools, sports, and just about any other situations where children interact, are a battlefield. Oh, who am I kidding! Let's just admit, dealing with children, at times, sucks. A battlefield is an understatement; it is more like going into a combat zone, holding nothing more than piece of paper that says, "Parent in Charge."

So what do you do if a child, other than your own, behaves badly in your presence?

Do you tell them off / correct them yourself?

Should you tell their parents?

Should you keep quiet - it is not your business after all?

Do you do all of the above?

Perhaps you have an alternative solution of your own, but one thing is common to all of us. The route you take will depend upon the deed done. I, for one, do not tell other people's children off, I suppose it is just my thing. However, I do rely on the adults to take charge and deal with the situation, if it is severe enough to warrant it.

So, then the question to be asked is, "What does severe enough mean to you?" This is also a minefield, which has many possible answers, depending upon your own view.

There is no rulebook, apart from the laws enforced by the police. Should be easy, should it not? No, I am afraid to say that it is far from easy.

I have found that some parents have a magical view of their children. They are adamant their offspring are always the innocent party, even when proven guilty. To be honest, they would make perfect defense attorneys, and I for one am fed up with battling this issue. They defend with great passion; they throw metaphorical stones at their opponent's imaginary glass houses. They fight a great fight, scrambling to keep the reputation of their children intact, no matter what has occurred.

Quite right, you may say. Parents are their children's advocate after all. However, I think it is also our duty, as parents, to act responsibly and to show children how to deal with their mistakes in a grown-up approach. We need to show them how to take responsibility for their actions and understand the consequences, not jump in and have the attitude, 'he who shouts loudest wins.' I have found perfectly lovely people turn into monstrous beings over their children.

This week a group of children did something wrong at my house. Some facts I know as I witnessed it, some I didn't. A couple of them helped to try to minimize the damage that the others had done, but for the main perpetrators, they ran away. I suspect hoping that I would not report it to their parents.

I am not a squealer, but I could not over look this. Respectfully, I felt, I inquired as to the names of the children and I sent emails to the parents of those who helped and those who I suspected were in the wrong. What ensued was very shocking. My neighborhood became a hive of busy bee parents, ringing, mailing, and scoring points over the other's children.

In the end, with my patience worn thin, and regretting reporting the incident, I posted on Facebook my view. I did not intend on a war, I was just informing parents of an action that really needed attention. I would expect someone to do that for me if it was my child. No one was rude; in fact, they were all perfectly nice. However, being NICE and being NICE FOR AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE are two different things.

The misdemeanor, in the chaos, seemed forgotten. The focus had moved, and I hoped that my post would bring those parents involved back to reality. We are all on the same side, we are not enemies, we are comrade in arms, bringing up our children, hopefully to be decent human beings.

Following is my post. It may not win me any favors, but I sincerely hope it was the right thing to do.

"Ok, going to stick my neck out here and hope for the best. If a child does something wrong (including my own) I would want to hear about it .This is not war! Couldn't we just tell them the lesson to be learned, even if it wasn't them, but part of the group they happen to be in? Sorry but it had to be said!"

What would you have done? I would love to hear, maybe we can learn from each other. You know, parents sticking together for the greater good!

Marriage, Laundry and the Evening News

It used to be that I refused to watch the evening news before I went to bed at night. I just didn’t want to go to sleep with some of the images from the news running a loop in my head, but now it’s getting so I might as well not turn the TV on at all. The news is the very least of the awful things that are out there. I mean, who wants to go to sleep with visions of Snooky burping on your mind? With every click of the remote it seems we’re subjected to someone’s dirty laundry and I’m getting sick in the spin cycle. My column, “It’s a Nice Day for a White Wedding,” about Kim Kardashian’s wedding was just the icing on the cake, and boy was that cake expensive!

JLo and Marc have split! Oh the horror! Snooky has a line of slippers selling like hotcakes, the Beverly Hills Real Housewife star has pictures of herself grieving the suicide of her husband while she’s wearing a black bikini; and to that I just throw my hands up in the air and let my left eye commence to twitching. There was a time when “Don’t air your dirty laundry” was almost a commandment, and while the truth will set you free, I think we’ve gone from one extreme to the other. It’s about headlines, marketing and ratings now, and little else. Wanna revive a stalling career? Easy, just get a reality show or be on one. Do these celebrities really believe that there is no such thing as bad publicity? (Where some are concerned, I use the term celebrity loosely.)

I remember when advocacy groups were up in arms over Teletubbies. Tinky Winky must be gay! Oh heavens. Where are these groups when it comes to “Bridezillas” and “The Real Housewives of New Jersey”? Have you watched the way these people talk to their prospective husbands, their mothers, their family and friends? Give me Tinky Winky any day. We may not know his sexual identity, but I love his purse. In the meantime you can call me old fashioned. I believe marriage should be based on love and respect and that it takes work.  I believe that good taste never goes out of style, but being a spectacle will always haunt you and that Don Henley was right on the money when he wrote “Dirty Laundry.”