21 Down...59 To Go

So Friday is Black Friday, and if you read my earlier blog, you already know that I'm not participating. You might have noticed that I'm more interested in the ECU football game that day. What I didn't mention is that Friday is also our 21st wedding anniversary. And yes, we are celebrating by attending a football game. There won't be any romantic little boxes waiting for me. That's really not our thing. But, I bet I can talk him into buying me a new sweatshirt.

I read this article yesterday on the ABC news site - John and Ann Betar Celebrate 80th Wedding Anniversary. It's a wonderful story about love and staying in love, and it's a story I see when I visit my parents, and one I get to experience every day in my own life. I've been blessed by having this man in my life. After 21 years, I can say that I am married to my best friend, and my life is better with him than it ever would have been without him. I'm not sure why I've been so blessed. I know better people than me who are alone, and I know better people than me who have had horrible marriages. We've definitely had our ups and downs, and we've experienced the loss of loved ones, job loss, moves, mean people, health scares - in other words - life. But we've always managed to pull together as a team.

Now, I don't want to completely sugar coat it. There are times that the immortal words of that wonderful bard, Pink, have come to mind:
"Go away, 
 Give me a chance to miss you,
 Say goodbye,
 It'll make me want to kiss you." 
"Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)" - "I'm Not Dead" album

I mean, let's get real. I bet Cinderella started getting irritated by Prince Charming's inability hang up his sash and medals not long after the wedding. And I'm sure her inability to keep from losing expensive shoes was a bummer. Marriage is hard. Compromise, negotiations, snoring, bills, mouthwash....

But at the end of the day to be able to laugh with someone you love, whether over today or over the awful photographer at your wedding, it makes it all worth while. I'm not much of one to give unsolicited advice except to my teenagers, and they don't usually hear me anyway, but if I were to give one piece of advice it isn't to never go to bed angry. Nope, my one piece of advice would be to find a way to laugh at it. A good sense of humor - now that REALLY helps in staying married.

Daddy and Momma have been married for 57 years. His memory is fading, but he still can laugh and he can still make Momma laugh. She was complaining about someone who was voting for the "wrong" candidate. Daddy asked how old this person was. When Momma answered, "90." He quickly replied, "Don't worry about it. She doesn't have many more elections to go against you. You're younger."

Yep, laughter...I can live with that.

Travelling, Gaby Style.

Two years ago I invited three of my best friends to come with me and celebrate my 50^th birthday. While they were (and yeah, still are) very dear to me, they had never met each other. I was a little worried as to whether or not they would get along, but with mature (of the mind) ladies, I should have left my concerns at the curb. Who would have thought that two years later the four of us would be celebrating our one year anniversary of 4gaby.com?  The journey from that day forward has been nothing short of wondrous.

We weathered each other through death, illness, insecurities, child-rearing guilt, and gut-wrenching worry. We’ve reached goals we never would have dreamed, held each other’s hands and lifted each other up, all without expecting anything in return. Friendship, golden and solid was the gift we gave each other, unexpected. On a moment’s notice we can pick up the phone and call each other with anything from questions on graphics to begging for sanity. We’ve Skyped and griped, discovering that at our tender age technology can be our friend, even when we’ve (okay, mostly me) been dragged, kicking and virtually screaming into Twitter, Facebook, and now Google +.  There is no age limit on learning or supporting one another. As we head down the road on the double-decker bus for our second year, I can’t help but wonder what will be next. We’re growing, learning, and understanding what a sisterhood can be, all the while bringing to the table our own uniqueness.   

Thank you all for letting us share with you, for allowing us into your homes and offices, and for helping us to grow. Your support is our success. What more could four women ask for? Well, you know me, I can always think of something!

24 Years and Who's Counting?

By Sheilah 

My husband thought it was 23, but I know different. The friend who said Happy 23rd wedding anniversary got misinformation, from Dave. So I replied to my well-wisher, That’s a long time between men. And I meant it.

It’s actually been 26 years since we started dating. I was a pup of 19 and he a man of the world at 26, with a long road ahead of us. And we’ve been confused for years—was it July 6 or 7 that we got married? A niece’s birthday is on the 7th, so we think it was the 6th, of course we were married before she was born, so who really knows barring looking for the certificate. I saw that niece come into this world, which scared me from childbirth for 15 years. From which I can only conclude that it’s best to not see what’s coming, in so many ways.

It was a Justice of the Peace wedding in Hot Springs, Arkansas, because the courthouse was closed that July Fourth weekend in Eureka Springs. That holiday we drove from Austin, Texas, to his ten year high school reunion in Rogers, Arkansas. We lived in Austin a mere 9 months before returning to Raleigh.

Married at 21 and I wasn’t even pregnant—isn’t that kind of unheard of? The first years were hard, but somehow we stayed, put each other through school, split up once for a few months. We followed our travel bliss dreams, made homes, built a dream home, gave it up for the surprise conception of a better dream, one we hadn’t even thought of. A child was born.

How silly we’d been to forget to start a family when we were young. I’m so grateful that God interceded on that one. Our lives would never be the same, and that’s a good thing. I believe we’d be old fuddie duddies like our childless neighbors by now, chasing damn kids out of their woods and being generally grumpy curmudgeons, old before their time.

There are many gifts from having a long-term partner--life is easier when you have backup--but the greatest is a growing love demonstrated by a crazy 8-year-old boy who looks like a mini Dave. He is the love of our life, begat by love, and a miraculous proof that there is a God. Having children when you’re supposedly too old for it is humbling—seeing you both change into the easy clothes of parents, becoming so full of love you’d like to burst, rocks your world as it’s meant to. I wouldn’t change a thing. My husband is still hot at 52, still the best man I know, smarter than I ever thought, and I respect him for the old school things he knows like fixing cars and building houses, even for his Midwestern sense of humor. He is a fricking fabulous father to our son. He was just what I needed, and still what I want.

So happy 24th, 23rd, 26th, or however you count ‘em in old dog years.