Friday, November 22, 2013

25 Senseless Sick-abilities

I can’t honestly remember the last time I lost an entire week to being sick. I’ve missed work, missed my children, and missed out on all my household duties…gosh darn. I found that being lost in a fog of fever and rib crushing coughing brings with it some of nuttiest diversions/delusions.

1.   Listening to your children argue while consumed with fever is like watching a Tim Burton movie, it’s all dark and dismal but sounds better if you delude yourself that Johnny Depp is there.

2.   I can fall asleep during all the episodes of Law and Order, wake up five minutes before the end and still tell you the story line.

3.   I have slept through 20 or more episodes of Law and Order this week.

4.   Daytime TV scares me.

5.   Dr. Phil has apparently been on the Rodeo Circuit. He keeps saying this isn’t his first Rodeo.

6.   Dr. Phil scares me. How’s that working for ya?

7.   I don’t understand The View. I can’t hear what the “view” is; they all talk over each other.

8.   Cable rules.

9.   Sense and Sensibility still makes sense when sick. 

10.  Emma Thompson is my hero. 
11.  One should never watch soppy-period-love stories, and cry when they can’t breathe in the first place. But OH! Willoughby! You know what I’m talking about.

12.  I am losing weight.

13.  I will gain it all back as soon as I am well.

14.  I want to keep losing weight but I want to be well.

15.  Reading Stephen King cured my fever. I broke out in a major sweat.

16.  You discover that your body can do more than one thing at a time when you have violent coughing spasms.

17.  I scared my family while coughing.

18.  Watching Comedy Central is great, until you laugh, which leads to coughing, which scares the family.

19.  Showers are seriously underrated.

20.  Dexter and I have become close friends.

21.  NetFlix is dangerous. 

22.  The Walking Dead is suddenly so cliché. I have a fever right?

23.  The couch looks pretty good as a place to spend days on end.

24.  We may need to burn the couch.

25. "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

These sick abilities are truly senseless!

1 comment:

  1. Laughing at #16 Hope you all very soon back at 100% awesomeness! Thanksgiving meal should take care of the weight issue.


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