Thursday, April 12, 2012

It's Such Hard Work...Eating Bon Bon's

"Guess what, his wife has actually never worked a day in her life." 

And just like that, another political pundit has demonstrated that STUPID has no party lines. The fact that I can use the word pundit correctly in a sentence demonstrates that even though I don't work, I ain't stupid. Let me issue a disclaimer. I do not mean this to sound as if I am siding with one political party over the other. But I am pretty pissed off right now at a certain female strategist for the Democratic party - Ms. Hilary Rosen. In case you missed it, she used those exact words when discussing her disdain at Mitt Romney's reliance on his wife's guidance regarding women and their take on economic issues. What Ms. Rosen has tried to characterize as a poor choice of words is in fact a quite clear illustration of her opinion of those of us who stay at home. We ain't working, y'all. So we obviously shouldn't be relied on for any guidance. Dang - we probably shouldn't be given the vote. Oops, too late on that one, huh? And wait, aren't you a WOMAN, Ms. Rosen? 

I've read several of the articles written since this little tempest and watched the clip. The condescension and arrogance practically drip off the high definition screen. So let me just throw a little something out there to consider - staying home with children does NOT mean you are incapable of following the issues and providing an opinion. We just don't get PAID.

Years ago, I came up with my little reply to, "What do I do" - it's all about the bon-bons. It was my way of recognizing that to our society if you do not bring home a paycheck then you do not have an inherent value. Moreover there is the perception that you lead a fairly relaxed life. But to say that a woman - Ann Romney - who raised five well adjusted sons while also beating breast cancer and enduring multiple sclerosis has not "WORKED". Goodness - what a concept Ms. Rosen must have of work.

Now I will say that raising my two sons has been a labor of love. There's been a lot of labor and a lot of love, and I didn't love most of the people I worked with outside the home. But here's the deal - when the kids were younger if I hadn't had the kids with me, then we would have paid someone to watch them. If I don't clean the house, then we would pay someone to clean it or claim our spot on Hoarders. If I don't do the yard work then we would pay someone to do it or enslave the teenagers - my personal preference. So if so much of what I do would have to be replaced by somebody being paid to do it as part of their JOB...why is it WORK for them and NOT WORK for me?? Now I recognize that there are many women who handle all those responsibilities and a job outside the home. But see - there's the difference between me and Ms. Rosen - I CAN RECOGNIZE THAT NOT ALL LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE THE SAME. 

Each family makes their decisions based on a myriad of factors - income, location, health of family members, and on and on. It is not up to me to judge whether your choice is working for your family. And it's not up to you to judge either. Now pass those bon-bons...I've worked up an appetite. 


  1. "What do you do?" That is the constant that is asked women in social settings and should you answer, "Domestic Goddess, Domestic Engineer," or just plain old "stay at home mom" you get the ever so condescending "Oh." For twelve years I stayed at home and I can tell you if there were idle moments, they were fleeting, and the isolation will get to you too. Great job Hilary Rosen, way to pit woman against woman, and here I keep hoping that "we've come a long way."

  2. I stayed at home for a time as well. I was the support system for my husband who ran his own buisness. He needed me, all of me. We made sure the buisness reflected both our beleifs. I went many places with him, and having an educated, well spoken wife was very helpful to his company. Spouces talk, discuss their work, rely on each other for imput, or strength. Being able to hold your own, or better in these discussions,does not mean all you do is eat bon bons, Hilary Rosen!

  3. Personally, I am so tired of the image of a stay at home mom as being someone unintelligent or uninvolved. Staying at home doesn't mean we're incapable. Sometimes it's a choice and sometimes the choice has been made for you through circumstances. Ms. Rosen's comment was indefensible. It was demeaning and derogatory and she deserves the damnation she's receiving for it.

  4. I can't blame you for your righteous anger, not a bit, but these "essays" read more like rants. I'm sure it made you feel better to write them. I know it would make me feel better to get something like this out of my craw. Evelyn Cooper commented that Ms. Rosen's comment was indefensible, which it was. Which brings me to my point: I assume you are writing for an intelligent audience, right? I doubt that a single one of your readers, male or female, would agree with Ms. Rosen, who is clearly an idiot. So what is the point of writing the essay, other than to rant and to preach to the choir? It strikes me as akin to my writing an essay on the theme "Rush Limbaugh is a bigoted slob." DUH!

  5. Oh but John, that is what some of us women do. We have to purge ourselves of the poison. It's the Mars and Venus stuff, if you want to call it that, we talk it out and let it out, so we can then let go. You can have smarts and still rant...sometimes a good rant is all it takes to clear the air and move on.

    Ida Sanchez

  6. Good points here, and I do understand the impulse to use the pen (or the keyboard) to rail against stupidity and ignorance. It makes us feel better, which perhaps will make us a little more reasonable and articulate when we directly encounter the Hilary Rosens of the world--better than punching them in the face and calling them ugly names, which is what I secretly would like to do, being someone from Mars.


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