Fifteen, and Miles to Go Before We Rest

Yesterday was my last day as the mother of a fourteen year old. Today my baby turns fifteen - technically at 6:18 this evening, but try and tell him that -  and as any mother will tell you - it's amazing how the years fly by. It seems just yesterday that he was born. For that matter I often feel like a teenager myself.

He was always an easy baby - the one that you could lay down wide awake, and he would go to sleep. I know it sounds like a fairy tale or a reinvention, but it really was that way. Even now, he's not a terribly difficult teenager. He can cop an attitude, but it usually doesn't last too long. Though I do embarrass him at frequent intervals - particularly my disco dancing (he needs to be grateful that I can't still fit into the satin pants). 

He has some impressive accomplishments, and while I'm tempted to brag on them, the reality is that some kids just get it, and some kids are harder to raise. I get that completely, and I don't think we're anywhere near done with lessons, because accomplishments aren't what will provide love - character is. So a few quotes for my two teenagers, and if you have any words of wisdom - feel free to share:

"I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university." Albert Einstein

"Where there is love, there is life." Mahatma Gandhi

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." George Bernard Shaw

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." Mark Twain

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." Confucious


And your favorite quote = "Who is John Galt?" Ayn Rand

Happy Birthday!!

First World Problems

I confess. I was complaining about some stuff when my soon to be sixteen year old stopped me cold. His reply, "First world problems." Ever since he threw that comment out at me, it's become my mantra. I catch myself starting a gripe and it refocuses me. How very blessed I am to have an internet connection to complain over its speed, a kitchen to fuss over how small it is, and food in the pantry - behind the empty boxes the teenagers leave in it.

Last week the new iPhone came out. Oh, hallelujah. I saw an article where a college student was complaining. He preordered the iPhone 5, but he didn't receive it. Well, bless his heart, oh the horror. Instantly the saying, first world problems, came to mind. We are a spoiled and pampered society. We want what we want, when we want it, and then when we get it, it's only good until the next newer, greater want comes down the line. And that seems to apply to everything...your spouse is old, get a new one...your face is old, get a new one....your electronics don't get up and do the dancing for you, get a new one...

Our church runs a food pantry. It's open on Saturday mornings. We've helped shop for it, bag food for it, and hand out food - though not as often as we should. Saturday on my way to a lunch with friends, I passed it and saw the line. It was horribly long, reminding me to add some items to my grocery list this week. Like so many of us, the day to day can be a struggle with competing demands. I often struggle with how to keep my teenagers focused on the real priorities of life - God, family, friends, community. Isn't it interesting that it was one of my teenagers who helped refocus me - how blessed we all are in this first world country. 

Teenagers, Aliens and Zombies

I unintentionally read the most amusing article this morning. One of those flyby things that suddenly you realize you've read the whole dang thing while you didn't agree with hardly any of it. Some psycho, I mean degreed psychology professional, was suggesting that if you are in menopause, and you have teenagers, you should take the opportunity to bond with your teenagers over the changes in life you are both experiencing.
Well, freakin' knock me over - why the devil didn't I think of that? I just know my sons would love to discuss their "sexuality" and my "sexuality" and my "change of life". Uh huh - might be one way to get them to vacuum once they realize they wouldn't be able to hear me.
At least in my household, I do talk to them - when they let me. We discuss movies, and music, Anime, and books, sometimes even world events. For the record, I love "The Walking Dead", "Ghost in the Shell", "Radiohead", and "Linkin Park", the Hunger Games trilogy, and these are just a few examples of what they've introduced me to. And they love "REM", the "Beatles", "Jimi Hendrix", "Monk", and they've each read "To Kill a Mockingbird", various books on History which they adore, and watched many a special on the History channel with me.
And while we listen to music, or discuss a movie, or watch an episode of tv, if the opportunity arises to discuss what behavior or morality issues I see, then I seize it - in a very non embarrassing format.
But let's be real here. Is there a creature that is more intelligent and all-knowing than a teenager? Aliens from another planet would flee from that condescending look and tone of voice teenagers can adopt. Quickly the aliens would be forced into  recognition that this planet HAS an intelligent life form, and we don't need another, thank you very much. 
Raising teenagers is hard work. It's completely different from raising toddlers and babies, and yet at times I feel like zombies have invaded just as I did after many a sleepless night with a colicky infant. I walk in a daze and look at these tall creatures. Where did my babies go to? And why will they eat everything in sight? Is it possible to wake a sleeping teenager?
It's the best of times and the worst of times - if you're a parent you will understand. I approach my teenagers as I would an alien or a zombie - very carefully lest one of us scare the wits out of the other. But no, I'm not gonna discuss menopause with them!

I Can’t Hear You. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!

by Mary Alford-Carman

I’m pretty sure that at some time, my children and husband will need therapy because of me. At this particular date, I’d love for them to start their therapy now because they are driving ME crazy. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m actually physically present in their lives as I never seem to be heard, and my viewpoints are ignored. I must be invisible, or suffering from delusions of some kind. I thought I was a person with experience and an education, but all evidence points towards the invisible theory. 

Case in point: How many times must you tell a teen to clean their room, study, or take out the trash before they actually hear you? In our household it appears the answer is 760 times over a period of (at least) a week. Sure, I can understand that teens are basically aliens who have taken over a child’s body until they hit 26 or 27, but I always hoped there would be times when you could actually connect with them. This appears to be my delusion number two. 

Delusion number three: My husband will hear me, actually hear me and listen! You know what I’m talking about. There are those moments when seeking your advice, you give it only to find out that the guy the down the street, or any guy for that matter, trumps your years of experience and education. I do have to admit to gloating when their advice turns out to be completely wrong and I was right in the first place. Gloat, honey I do a happy dance, its call the “I Told You So!” (Honestly, I can be soooo obnoxious.) It’s hard to be humble when your offerings aren’t taken because of a Y chromosome. He’s not chauvinist, he just doesn’t get it, bless his heart.

 There are days that I question why I bothered with college. The moment I left the “working world” and made the decision to stay at home to be a full-time Mom to my children, I suddenly got dummied down. I have been told that this is my perception of myself. To that I say (forgive me), bite me! I can’t begin to count the times that the reaction to what I do has been met with “Oh. Isn’t that nice,” or some other condescending reaction. It sometimes feels just like that in my own home and quite frankly, that stinks.  I figure that if they can’t hear me, I don’t have to do the million and six things that I do for them on a daily basis. Now that’s being invisible. Do you think they’ll notice, or is that delusion number four?