Naughty or Nice?

Christmas is the time of cheer and merriment. This past Saturday we stood and watched our town's Christmas parade, patiently waiting for our daughter's float to pass by us. She was number 83, a long way at the back, and I was suffering from the-morning-after-the-night-before syndrome. The noise of the parade's vehicles was louder than a sonic boom, or so it felt. It was fun, even in my delicate state. As the parade unfolded, I did however get somewhat perplexed. Never before in my life would I have thought I would see high school marching bands and toddler gymnasts marching and tumbling in between, wait for it, two Adam and Eve (let's get naughty) vans and one huge jail, complete with external toilet, advertising bail bonds. I think naughty and nice really did meet on our tarmac this year, and I am not sure I agree, but that is Christmas.

With this said, I got to thinking. I wrote in the new issue of 4Gaby about seasonal memories (http://www.4gaby.com/Just_a_Memory.html), Evelyn wrote a great version of We Three Kings of Orient Are (http://www.4gaby.com/Kings_of_the_Household.html) and they both gave me a good idea. Let's be naughty ourselves and create a new version of the twelve Days of Christmas.

The original, if you recall, counts down the twelve days by listing gifts by the true love (a partridge in a pear tree, two turtle doves, three French hens, four colly birds, five gold rings, six geese a laying, seven swans a swimming, eight maids a milking, nine ladies dancing, and ten drummers drumming). So let's base ours on some of the more debatable gifts given to ourselves.

I will start with the first day and then I am looking to you, dear readers, to follow. Let's see if we can fill our song by Friday. Don't be shy and don't worry if someone else fills a slot you wanted, just tell us anyway. 

ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS, MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME:

THE TACKIEST UNDERWEAR YOU EVER DID SEE.