Friendship for the Aged...I Mean AGES

Mommy, I want a sister!!!!!!!!! If I said that once, I said it a thousand times to my poor Momma!! Sandwiched between two brothers, I saw other girls as my version of Mecca - somebody to play dolls with, borrow clothes, whisper about boys, anything other than hearing again about how I couldn’t catch a ball to save my life. Of course I was too young to understand what I understand now. When adults say no, it's not just to be mean. Often there are underlying reasons. Like most children, I wanted what I wanted and I just wanted a sister. But I do have a sister, actually a couple of sisters. Both of them celebrate their birthdays this month and both have known me forever...or it might seem that way to them. We've had our ups and downs just like sisters do, but we also know each other’s secrets – the good, the bad, the sad, and the joyous.  We know things that only we can share like how it was growing up and we know where we hid things in our bedrooms. We know how it felt to be madly in love with xxx, and how dang grateful we are that God didn’t make him reciprocate the love. Heartaches and triumphs have been shared along the way and I would never trade either for a blood sister.

True friendship should and does have an acceptance - the quirks, the faults, the kindnesses all go hand in hand with who we are as people. They have made me a better person, and the laughter has been most excellent.

Count on me to end with a quote by an author who wrote about Pirates:

"A friend is a present you give yourself." Robert Louis Stevenson

Oh, and maybe a cartoon:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I pray my children are blessed with such friends.

You Can Teach A New Dog Old Tricks

"Never leave 'till tomorrow which you can do today." By Benjamin Franklin

How many of you have ever stayed up all night when you were younger to get a project completed for school or college? I have, and I am sure that most of you will have answered yes too. Even the most organized scholar can fall prey to a looming deadline that comes around quicker than a tornado.With my son in 10^th grade, the work in high school has become more and more demanding.

He is constantly juggling his time to complete projects, homework, as well fitting in extracurricular activities. The big wide world of college is only a few years away and it is becoming more and more apparent he needs a little help in organizing his time. I admit he gets easily distracted, as does any other teenager; he is only human after all. There are so many temptations these days. For instance, I am convinced the XBOX sends subliminal messages of, "play me, your homework can wait," out across the our wireless network and the video chat rooms such as OOVOO are so much more appealing than the essay that had to be written yesterday. I could take them away, restrict his access, but then I am afraid that homework may then seem like a punishment and I do not want that to happen.

It seems, my only recourse to this problem is to teach him the art of prioritizing in a logical way that he can manage. In the past, I have used a great little tool myself. It is simple but powerfully effective. The tool is the Urgent/Important matrix. Some of you may have heard of it, but for some it may be a new idea. Whichever camp you fit into, I can guarantee everyone will benefit from using it. The key to success is to define the difference between importance and urgency. Remember the saying "what is important is seldom urgent and what is urgent is seldom important." 

To use the matrix, the first step is to make an extensive list, on a separate piece of paper, of all tasks, activities, and projects that have to be done. It is essential to include everything that takes up your time, no matter how small. Against each item on the list place an importance value using a 1:4 scale, 1 being very important, 2 being important, 3 being fairly important, and 4 being unimportant. At this stage, do not even think about the urgency of the task as this could sway the true importance value and try to be discerning, do not put all items as high importance, being realistic is the key.

Once you are happy with the assigned importance values, you can now evaluate the urgency. Deadlines and risk factors help with this stage. Think also about the snowball effect, is the task in danger of growing bigger if left? As you complete this section, place your tasks in the grid. 

 
Now, with everything weighted you can start to see a clear plan in front of you.
Quadrant 1: These things need doing now, no procrastinating.

Quadrant 2: These tasks are longer term and need work doing. Plan time to do these before they become a quadrant 1 item.

Quadrant 3: Do you really to do these or can someone else help? For instance, if you are doing a group project are you doing more than your fair share, can you delegate? 

Quadrant 4: Your frivolous time. Is Xbox really important? Needless to say these items are only done if you have got time, if they are not nothing will be lost.

This week I am putting a big white-board in my son's bedroom, along with a set of colored dry erase markers. With a clear plan hopefully his stress level will go down, those late night quick-fix essays should become a thing of the past, his grades will stay on target, and finally we all can get a good night's sleep!

 

 

 

Not all Bees Make Honey…

My daughter has just started eighth grade. She has survived the first two years of middle school, receiving only a few battle scars, but preparing her for her teenage years and the typical situations, people, and problems she is about to encounter is something I wanted to help her with. I was given the advice to read a book about teen girls that could adequately show me how to traverse this crucial period, leaving you, them, and your mother-daughter relationship intact. 

"Oh yeah, bring it on. Miracles might happen and pigs might fly!" was my first reaction. 

"Holy crap, this book is longer than War and Peace," was my second.

And finally, my third was, "Wow, so that is why I have so many bad memories of being a teenager!"

The book in question, I hasten to add, is great. It is full of scenarios that one can relate to and new ways of looking at things. But, it can be, in places, a little too ideal-world for me. For instance, it advises that in order to keep communication flowing between you and your daughter you should use a weekly trip to a local coffee shop. Girl time, a great idea but if they only knew my daughter they would also know I would be bankrupt after a month as she would feel the need to sample every single cake in the chiller cabinet and then dance around the room hyper after drinking the forbidden nectar, cafe latte! 

I know I jest about the above scenario, but the idea is sound. Making time is always a good plan but one we often feel too busy to do. As the book went on, more serious subjects were covered; weight, boys, sexuality, teasing to name but a few but my favorite was the subject of Cliques.

A touchy subject at best, a battlefield at worst. 

The Cliques were broken down into the following roles: 

The Queen Bee: Think Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland and Barbie Doll. She rules the roost, her group and expects to get first pick at the best boys!

The Sidekick: Think second in command but dangerous as she can lead a coup over Queeny!

The Banker: Not money hoarding I am afraid, but information hoarding that can be used against anyone about anything. She supplies the ammunition to Queeny.

The Messenger: She is everywhere, in the middle of conflicts and thrives on them. She is an addict to drama. Remember the girl who always passed notes for people in arguments? This is her!

The Pleaser/Wannabe: Think desperate Susan. She will sell her soul to please the Queen Bee.

The Torn Bystander: Wants to be accepted but does not like to challenge Queeny or her sidekick. The one who keeps silent whilst others are suffering but doesn't like it.

The Target: Think big round circle with her face as the bulls eye in the middle. She allows herself to be the target in order to be accepted into the group.

And finally……
The Champion: She is the perfect one in every way. She does not belong to one group, is not afraid to say no to Queeny, and is easy to be around. 


As I read this section, I chuckled hysterically and sighed sadly. I was doing a crazy eight of emotions and was transported back to being 15 again and at my own high school. The power plays, the words used, and the actions are so timeless that you realize you have more in common with your teenager than you thought, you were one yourself!. I am betting my last dollar that as you read those roles you are mentally visualizing the faces of people you know, past and present. Cliques are not exclusive to schools or colleges, but regrettably carry on into adulthood and form in places such as offices, social clubs, and neighborhoods. 

They go on and on, a never-ending story. A nightmare for some.

How many times have we heard about bullying in our schools or teenagers committing suicide after reaching desperate lows because they do not fit the norm? There are too many for my liking and there does not seem to be adequate help on hand. School counselors are few in numbers and spread thin, they come into play only when things get desperate, which often is too late. Irrecoverable damage can be done at this crucial age and I wish we could have a course in every school advising about Cliques, their behaviors, the effects on others, and most importantly, how to deal them.

I downloaded the audible version so that my daughter, and son for that matter, could listen to it. I could never do it justice by repeating it and I gathered that if my children heard it from someone else they would be more inclined to take notice. Another annoying trend of a teenager I am finding out.

Both my children listened intently, laughing, pigeonholing their friends, scowling at examples of behavior they have already witnessed, and most importantly, asking me to play the rest of the book so they could be in-the-know. In the back seat of my car, they continued to listen, piecing together the advice given, and opening up about their lives, the problems, and the great things that happen. My self-help book turned into my family-help book. I did not need to go to the coffee shop to open communication; the book has done it for me. We still have part two to listen to together and I for one am looking forward to it. 

I advise any willing parent of teenagers to look at the book, Queen Bees & Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman, you may find it of some help. I have.

 

The Ridiculous Olympics

Olympics alert: Boys to men doing strange stuff. Why high diving? Why synchronized high diving—was that a double-dog-dare-you stunt in the beginning? Why the steeplechase without a horse? To show you can clear a mud puddle? Or a triple sand jump? Why not the monkey bars?

Are these Olympic-sanctioned sports any different than the more realistic boy-man adventures from daily life? Why, I ask, are the prettied-up boys in mankinis forced to perfection of a 10.0 when boys prefer destruction and slouchy shorts? Why not a category for who can make the loudest underwater fart or the biggest belly flop or survive the worst head butt off the diving board? I cheer for the divers who make the biggest splash. It’s so much more akin to my reality. 

I have not watched so much water polo in my life as I have during this summer’s Olympics. Those shaved hairless, muscular men in bonnets with sashes tied in bows beneath the chin--they’re strangely appealing yet appalling. And the girl-women elbowing each other to the point of drowning—now that makes sense.

But honestly, I prefer the “Ridiculousness” episode on MTV about whiskey throttle—when on a dirt bike you give it more gas instead of brake—because I’ve done it myself. Who can get nearest the point of destruction without getting hurt is the goal on such reality shows, and much closer to our real lives than the pursuit of Olympic-sized perfection. I know why the Olympics are played only every four years. These Olympians are out there doing normal stunts like the rest of us for 3.75 years, then cramming in a few months of perfect stuff to get on TV. I wish they’d show the bloopers or the cuts or the behind the scenes stuff. They better have a lot of flops to counter their pursuit of perfection. The agony of defeat is just what the average guy does everyday. And doesn’t expect a medal for it, but does hope to make an appearance on YouTube.

I sure wish they’d invite Extreme sports into the Olympiad arena—wouldn’t you like to see the grunge skaters and motocrossers whooping it up with the perfectionists in thongs? I’d love to see what happened. A whiskey throttle triple-point balance beam belly flop? We’d have to invent new difficulty levels. But for sure the winners would look a lot more like us, hairy chests and all, dirt caked on the face and Monster drink in hand.

I dream of a new kind of Olympic glory.

Great-running Volvo for sale (if only she would start)

By Sheilah

Don’t buy a used Audi Quattro AWD Turbo wagon with only 100,000 miles, even if it does look like a James Bond car with its red cockpit lights. It will cost you at least $4,000 in repairs in a year’s time. Listen to me. You can’t make a new car out of an old one, no matter how much money you gadget and gear into it. Struts, 02 censors, water hoses…nothing is cheap or easy here. You can’t get to the engine. So I'm telling you, don’t buy one--unless of course it’s mine, and then you’re probably set for a few years. A $6500 car turned into a $10,500 one in the snap of a wallet. Don’t try this at home.

But I’ll make you a deal—what you really, really want is a previously enjoyed Volvo XC V70 cross-country AWD turbo Volvo wagon, much better on gas mileage and it gets sick less. A 2002 with 125,000 miles when I bought it, all that crapped out so far was the ignition coil, a mere $600 job (or $2,000 if you’re keeping tabs at home). She’s a sweet, smooth ride much like that of the Lexus. Yes, she’s foreign, has the cutest darn accent, but is paranoid-esque in safety. She is comforting with all her airbags ready to pounce. You’ll feel like a boxer in a ring, able to stick your nose out without fear of landing a damaging blow. She’ll even ride on cheap gas without a cough or complaint. Her leather will stay squeaky. She’ll keep her secrets close to the chest, like the battery tucked in her backpack. She’ll message you way too often though, like a jealous girlfriend: “Time for regular service” she exclaims when she wants attention, but it’s only a bulb out (good luck getting to that).  If you don’t heed her, she gets pushy. Unfortunately, she’s a bit too deep, and she’ll make you work for it. But she’s ever so polite and will stop messaging once you give her a pat. Yes, she’s for sale too, because she has a chance of selling. She’s a steal. Just hope she starts when you come take her for a spin, unlike the other day.